Pregnancy Post: First Trimester (October '15 - January '16)
Just a heads up, I feel like this post will cover more than just the "surface" of a first trimester pregnancy. Maybe a little too personal at times, but maybe it will help someone today or some time in the future :) It's a long one~
To be honest, the first trimester was a struggle... and not because of the physical changes that come with pregnancy, but mental haha I felt nauseous all day, but never threw up... I ate about half the amount of calories I usually eat. I think I was tired/fatigue, but was also mixed in with laziness and lack of motivation. There were many days where just doing the dishes was a huge accomplishment for that day... or going grocery shopping was a big deal... doing some form of exercise... or any other small house chores that had to get done. It sounds funny now, but it was actually a little depressing lol
It was a lot of mixed emotions. I wish I could tell you that I was excited from the get-go like many other soon-to-be moms would've been. Before finding out I was pregnant, I remember I was so desperate to just know if I should quit that job, start another job, have a baby. I felt like if I just had the answer to that, I would be so much happier. But you know what they say... you're always going to want more, and that's exactly what I wanted. More answers.
A couple weeks after I was fired from my job, I found out I was pregnant. I thought, maybe that's why I was fired. I needed to get rid of that stress from the job and be healthy during this pregnancy. But then I thought, what now? When I found out I was pregnant, I'm not going to lie, I don't think I had an ounce of excitement in my body. I was scared, worried, nervous, etc. Before finding out I was pregnant, Justin was actually the one who wanted to have a baby and said that he was ready haha I liked the thought as well, but wasn't as 100% sure as he was. And the fact that it was so "easy" to get pregnant was surprising because I had always heard how couples had to try for multiple months before getting pregnant.
The first few weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I struggled with the idea - a lot. I had a hard time accepting it. I kept reminding myself and tried to feel grateful after hearing so many people struggling to have a baby or having miscarriages. I should've felt happy and grateful that it was so "easy" for us, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and grateful to be able to start a family now, but there was even a time when Justin had to ask me if I was okay with having a baby. If I was happy about it, etc etc. And it made me cry because I felt so guilty for being so negative about being pregnant.
I heard it all the time, but I never thought I would be one to ask, "but what about all my goals and dreams?" I always thought I would gladly be a stay-at-home mom. After all, the first day at my old job, that's exactly what I thought to myself - I can't wait to be a stay-at-home mom. But I think that had more to do with the job than me being a mom haha Either way, I started questioning why couldn't I do what I loved just for a little bit before having a baby. I graduated last April and I still haven't done anything with my life as far as my career goes. I wanted more time to figure out what I should be doing, do what I love to do. I see all these other people furthering their education or careers, and I'm doing absolutely nothing. It was a little depressing, to be honest. It still is at times. Yes, I could've (and still am) looking for a job, but it hasn't been easy...
My parents kept telling me to be happy, think happy thoughts, speak kindly and what not, but there were multiple days I would think too hard about all this and just cry... lol
So, those were the more negative parts of my first trimester. Definitely more of a mental challenge than physical.
But aside from those depressing thoughts, physically, I think I'm one of the lucky ones who has been going through an "easy" pregnancy. At least this first one. I haven't thrown up once yet. The worst symptoms I've had are probably just the whole feeling nauseous all day and fatigue/laziness. I decided it was a mixture of pregnancy fatigue and my laziness/depression. At first, I felt nauseous the whole day, then I started to feel more nauseous starting in the afternoon throughout the rest of the day. Especially, if I ate more than I should.
Cravings? There was a short period when I wanted apples all the time. I really didn't even like thinking about kimbap/ddukbokki.. made me want to gag... then I wanted oranges after my apple phase. So really, it's really just been fruits I've been wanting to eat. Nothing like steak or anything I would usually crave. And because I didn't want to eat anything, I also have been hating to cook. My poor poor husband... I still cook, but I don't enjoy it and it's more stressful now because it's so annoying to think about what to cook lol
As for a baby bump. I don't think I could even really tell whether I had a bump or not my first trimester, which is pretty normal. I didn't lose any weight during my first trimester despite eating a lot less than normal.. probably because I didn't work out as much, but I also didn't gain any weight. Now is a different story haha
So yes, that was pretty much what my first trimester was like. As much as I enjoyed my winter break in Washington and LA, I just wish I had more of an appetite to eat more of all the good food that was there lol When I'm nauseous, I also tend to salivate A LOT and I just spit it all out because it feels so gross.. I feel like it's already been so long ago, that I probably forgot some things... and my posts seem to be so... disorganized hahahah Anywayyy...
As you all know, everyone's pregnancy is very very different. This is just my personal journey through pregnancy, so I hope you enjoyed the first part!
Gracias for reading heh
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