What to do?

This week hasn't been the worst week of my life, but it has been a mentally challenging one to say the least. I've been pondering all week long if this was the right place to be for me. I struggled to think Christ-like and instead filled my heart with hate and blame towards others. I often asked myself, "What did I do to deserve this?" I sound a little vague right now, but I think it's better not to specify. For all I know, even saying the things mentioned above may not be a good idea because everybody could probably guess, but I'm saying it anyway. 

With General Conference being a time where many of us seek guidance and answers, I've relied on those talks for my answers. I've prayed, but I've also been pondering a lot about words from this past weekend that would help me get through this minor obstacle I'm facing. I've considered Elder Larry R. Lawrence's talk, "What Lack I Yet?" Perhaps I needed to humble myself and seek the inspiration of the Spirit. I don't doubt that I do. I think I always do. But, I think what hit me more was Elder Robert D. Hales' talk, "Meeting the Challenges of Today's World." I know... this talk was mainly about making righteous decisions, getting married, etc. But what stuck out to me was when he said:

"Never deliberately fly into a thunderstorm. Instead, fly around it, take another route, or wait for the storm to clear before landing."

Tomorrow, it might have another meaning, but after re-reading his talk, that quote said to me, "Don't place yourself in an environment that causes you to feel hate and anger. Don't act on anger. Just leave."

For the past four days, I thought about the worst possible situations in my head and planned to react in the worst way I could think. And then the next day, I wake up with a little more hope and think, "This isn't so bad." But the next hour, I think, "I hate this." Rollercoaster ride, you see.

But I think the hardest thing to face was fear of what might happen and the thought of me being a quitter. To be honest, I still don't know what's going to happen or what I'm going to do. I still haven't had a strong enough conviction to do what I think is right, but hopefully, I figure it out. Moving forward with faith isn't always the easiest thing to do.

Can you tell after reading this post, I'm just as confused as you are? Haa