Trying Your Best

I started this post a few weeks ago but never got around to finishing/posting it, so here I am finishing it because this is the only way I feel even a little productive haha

For me, a lot of times I think about how I could've done better with whatever it was—school, situations, work, etc. More often, nowadays, than before, I wonder if I could've chosen a better major in school to prepare me for a better job post-graduation. I use this situation specifically because I just went back to an old blog I used to write in when I was overly passionate about wanting to become an NBA journalist. This is me writing my senior year in high school when I thought I had an epiphany to become a sports journalist.

While reading that post I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the way I sounded. A wave of emotions hit me when I started thinking about that specific time in my life—the passion and desire I had to do what I thought I dreamed of doing. It was only later at BYU that I realized that becoming a sports journalist wasn't in my books if I wanted to have a family and have them be able to count on me. I needed something more stable.

I might've not loved my classes so much, but I loved the experiences I gained as a sports reporter and sports information director. As confused as I am about my path, I wouldn't trade that experience back for anything.

Looking back, I often question myself whether I was trying my best and making the best decision. At the time, it felt like I was doing my best. Now, perhaps not so much. It doesn't feel like I pushed myself the way I should have.

And on some random Sunday during Relief Society, it hit me. Sometimes, there are truly times we tried our best, but just didn't do our best. I remember in high school when I had volleyball games, the few times my parents or one of my brothers came to watch I would get excited and try to play the best I could to prove that I was good. I wanted to get the coolest looking digs, dive across the court, I wanted to ace my opponents. You name it, I wanted to do it. But most often than not, those games were the games I played the worst.

It all makes sense in my head when I use that example. I think it can relate to how often we want to prove to Heavenly Father that we're trying our best, but our results don't show it, simply because it might've not been our day. More specifically, dayS for me. But He knows what our intentions and desires are. While I know for a fact that I'm not the only one trying to find direction in my life, nor will I be the last, I still have some faith to know that I can't give up. Some people think that once you get married, life is good. And life is good, but it's only given me more confusion as to what I'm supposed to do. Not in a bad way. 

The point of this post wasn't to say that I was losing hope. It just helped me realize what I needed to do, and nobody says it better than Elder Holland.

"Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."