1 Year of Experience (as a Mom)

If you were to ask me, "How fast do you think the first year is going to go by?" a year ago, I would've said... "It's never going to be over..."

And here I am, one year later, saying... IT FLEW BY!

Since getting married... or maybe ever since I started my college career at BYU... I realized I don't adapt to big changes very smoothly. It truly is a struggle for me.

I was homesick for at least two weeks when I first moved to Utah to go to school.

Despite dating Justin for over a year and being very comfortable with him before getting married, married life was a struggle in the beginning.

Graduating college and looking for a job was a struggle.

Getting pregnant was a struggle.

And... of course, having a baby was a struggle.

But I think through those few experiences, I've also realized that it will get better!

It really will get better.

I'm lucky enough to be able to feel better after a few months of big changes, but I also know for others it can take up to years.

Becoming a mom has obviously been the biggest change in my life.

And it has also been the hardest change.

As guilty as I've felt, there were many days I wanted a different life.

I looked back on my "pre-mom days" and wished sooooo badly to go back.

Though those days weren't all that great either hahaha

But, a year later, here I am saying, I wouldn't have it any other way!

I want to be the one watching, teaching, and nurturing Leah. With Justin, of course.

No, that's not to say that I think motherhood is easy-peasy.

In fact, I still have many days where I'm counting down to her bedtime.

I still wish every morning that I could be getting more sleep.

And there are still days when I wish, a little bit, to be doing something else.. you know.. other than being a stay-at-home-mom haha

But really, time is so precious with Leah.

Despite her sometimes-frustrating sleeping habits, there are days and nights I hold her and say to myself, "This isn't going to last forever..."

Although I may complain about being a mom here and there, I really am grateful to be a mom.

I'm grateful that, at least for now, I have someone who needs 100% of me.

I'm grateful to have experiences that make my heart burst like no experiences I've ever had.

I'm grateful I'm able to record our lives together, and to have Leah to make those videos a little less boring. Plus, 99% of the people that watch my vlogs only watch to see Leah hahaha

But really... 

I'm grateful for the good and bad, the happy and sad, and the long and short days as a mom.

It doesn't last forever.

And it's always going to get better.

And probably harder haha

But I wouldn't change it for anything.